Undercover Big Girl Lover

[sistabigbones]

OK... i might step on some toes with this one...

I don't know if this has been addressed in any of the topics discussed before but here goes...

Ladies, what do you think of guys that are undercover big girl lovers? What I mean by this is... he tells you he wants to be with you, yet he denies you in public. He doesn't really want to be seen with you in public, but he is all over you while in the confines of your/his home. He has established with you that you are his girl/woman, but he introduces you to other people as a friend... Basically he is an undercover big girl lover and he doesn't want anyone that he thinks may "judge" him to know... Fellas, I know this is a topic geared towards responses from ladies, but feel free to chime in... I'm sure that you guys have some great insight to add...

[Stephanie Ambroise]

Thank you for bringing this topic to light! Because seriously, it's sooooo.....REAL! There are a lot of dudes who see a plus size woman out with her girls or wherever and are open. They want to get to know you, think you're all kinds of smart or independent and can't wait to get a taste of the goodies. However, when it comes to your recognition as being has girl or dating etc it's hush hush!

I'm personally not with it! Some woman don't care and find it cute or ok in some odd fashion. All i'm sayin is if you can rep a slim chick with 4 kids from 3 different dudes who doesn't have her shit together. Which clearly screams hot mess to me! Then you can rep a big girl, who is well put together, holds her head hi and works what she's blessed with.

If you can't then, don't let the door hit ya, where the good lord split ya! This ain't Basking Robbins love, you don't get to sneak in on the low try a flavor and then act like you never knew it existed before because someone might find out! PLEASSSEEE!

[Dymond F. Kitty]

Wow! Stephanie hit the nail right on the head. It's sad that you could really like someone and deny that because of what you feel those around you may say. And I say those around you and not your friends because a true friend wouldn't care what YOUR loved one looks like or weighs. It's silly. This has actually sorta happened to me before. The situation worked out for me though because when I stopped talking to him cold turkey a year and a half ago....He went bananas. Now he feels as though we should really be together and it's to late. I realised along time ago love never comes in the form you thought it would. If a man can't realize that... he doesn't deserve you.

[1Jewelz -]

Wow! That is all I can say.

[Tiffany]

I have been through this before...when I was 18...we were friends since like the 5th grade and he told me he had been in luv with me for so many years.... So being the naive Tiffany that I was I thought that we were destined to be together, since we had been friends for so long...I mean I was ready to move back to Brooklyn and everything to be with this dude.......when I went to visit him in NY we went out a couple times and it was like the person in public was not the same person I knew behind closed doors or on the phone...he walked in front of me whenever we went some where...he made fat jokes in front of our friends...it was terrible....... What makes it so bad is that this dude is butt ass ugly!!!!!! I mean Im not one to get all caught up in peoples looks but Lawd have mercy I have to be able to look at u without becoming disgusted.....He was ashamed to be with me when I should of been ashamed to even have people THINK we were together..... lol....I knew we would never work before I went back home......when I got home he told me he had some other girl pregnant so I just let him know we were just going to have to leave it at us being friends.....its funny because its been almost 8 years since then and he is still telling me that he thinks we should be together....but now he has 2 kids and Herpes......even tho he was a total and complete ass to me I still cant be mean to him and tell him the real reason y I would NEVER be with him.....I just tell him that it wouldn't work...when I really want to yell LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! U LOOK LIKE SOMETHING SOMEONE STEPPED ON AND Y DA THE HELL DO U THINK I WOULD LET U ANY WHERE NEAR ME WITH THAT SICK DICK?!?!?!?!?!...UGGGHHH!!!

[Plus Size Barbie]

never been in this situation before, but i know how it is.. My brother is a prime example of a undercover big girl lover, and its kinda sad.. Society has the fucked up view on what beauty really is.. Beauty is having self confidence!! Not ones dress size... Dudes who feel this way, i pray for because honestly there are missing out on true happiness, one shouldnt give 2 fucks about how someone else feels... sad to say this issue will always be an issue, because there are big girls out there who think, they cant do better.. But guess what you can!! If you stop allowing these dudes only to "mess" with you in private, then its going to continue to happen.. Ladies love yourself, know that you deserve better!! Insecurity is smelled a mile away!!

[sistabigbones]

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL@the herpes... lol... NO MA'AM... that's a deal breaker right there... i'm sooo sorry... AND he have the nerve to be ugly... lmao... tiffany... girl you are a mess... saying he look like something someone stepped on LMAO... those are the worse ones... i had one like that also... walking in front of me... but i'm the type to pick up on hints/clues very fast (mama didn't raise no fool!) so i dropped him like a hot potato...

~*~*~Tiffany~*~*~ said:

I have been through this before...when I was 18...we were friends since like the 5th grade and he told me he had been in luv with me for so many years.... So being the naive Tiffany that I was I thought that we were destined to be together, since we had been friends for so long...I mean I was ready to move back to Brooklyn and everything to be with this dude.......when I went to visit him in NY we went out a couple times and it was like the person in public was not the same person I knew behind closed doors or on the phone...he walked in front of me whenever we went some where...he made fat jokes in front of our friends...it was terrible....... What makes it so bad is that this dude is butt ass ugly!!!!!! I mean Im not one to get all caught up in peoples looks but Lawd have mercy I have to be able to look at u without becoming disgusted.....He was ashamed to be with me when I should of been ashamed to even have people THINK we were together..... lol....I knew we would never work before I went back home......when I got home he told me he had some other girl pregnant so I just let him know we were just going to have to leave it at us being friends.....its funny because its been almost 8 years since then and he is still telling me that he thinks we should be together....but now he has 2 kids and Herpes......even tho he was a total and complete ass to me I still cant be mean to him and tell him the real reason y I would NEVER be with him.....I just tell him that it wouldn't work...when I really want to yell LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! U LOOK LIKE SOMETHING SOMEONE STEPPED ON AND Y DA THE HELL DO U THINK I WOULD LET U ANY WHERE NEAR ME WITH THAT SICK DICK?!?!?!?!?!...UGGGHHH!!!

[sistabigbones]

thanks for sharing, barbie! i agree wholeheartedly... as women we should not have to put up with a man that doesn't appreciate ALL of who we are... unfortunately, these distorted views of "beauty" are only getting worse... shoooot... i had a bout with low self-esteem... so i know what it's like... but NEVER again... i have rebuked that demon in the name of Jesus! and i will shout it on the rooftop about how much i love myself--flaws and ALL! i'm glad that you brought it up that ladies should love themselves because ultimately we are the ones feeding these undercover big girl lovers... some of us are acting like it's OK and we are settling for these types of relationships... we have to learn to love and respect ourselves enough to not put up with that mess!

Plus Size Barbie said:

never been in this situation before, but i know how it is.. My brother is a prime example of a undercover big girl lover, and its kinda sad.. Society has the fucked up view on what beauty really is.. Beauty is having self confidence!! Not ones dress size... Dudes who feel this way, i pray for because honestly there are missing out on true happiness, one shouldnt give 2 fucks about how someone else feels... sad to say this issue will always be an issue, because there are big girls out there who think, they cant do better.. But guess what you can!! If you stop allowing these dudes only to "mess" with you in private, then its going to continue to happen.. Ladies love yourself, know that you deserve better!! Insecurity is smelled a mile away!!

[Tiffany]

Gurl, Im tryin to tell u!!!!! LOL
idk who the hell he think he is......and to think I was ready to move back to NY to be with this jerk.....Thank God for wisdom!!!!!

sistabigbones said:

JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL@the herpes... lol... NO MA'AM... that's a deal breaker right there... i'm sooo sorry... AND he have the nerve to be ugly... lmao... tiffany... girl you are a mess... saying he look like something someone stepped on LMAO... those are the worse ones... i had one like that also... walking in front of me... but i'm the type to pick up on hints/clues very fast (mama didn't raise no fool!) so i dropped him like a hot potato...

~*~*~Tiffany~*~*~ said:

I have been through this before...when I was 18...we were friends since like the 5th grade and he told me he had been in luv with me for so many years.... So being the naive Tiffany that I was I thought that we were destined to be together, since we had been friends for so long...I mean I was ready to move back to Brooklyn and everything to be with this dude.......when I went to visit him in NY we went out a couple times and it was like the person in public was not the same person I knew behind closed doors or on the phone...he walked in front of me whenever we went some where...he made fat jokes in front of our friends...it was terrible....... What makes it so bad is that this dude is butt ass ugly!!!!!! I mean Im not one to get all caught up in peoples looks but Lawd have mercy I have to be able to look at u without becoming disgusted.....He was ashamed to be with me when I should of been ashamed to even have people THINK we were together..... lol....I knew we would never work before I went back home......when I got home he told me he had some other girl pregnant so I just let him know we were just going to have to leave it at us being friends.....its funny because its been almost 8 years since then and he is still telling me that he thinks we should be together....but now he has 2 kids and Herpes......even tho he was a total and complete ass to me I still cant be mean to him and tell him the real reason y I would NEVER be with him.....I just tell him that it wouldn't work...when I really want to yell LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! U LOOK LIKE SOMETHING SOMEONE STEPPED ON AND Y DA THE HELL DO U THINK I WOULD LET U ANY WHERE NEAR ME WITH THAT SICK DICK?!?!?!?!?!...UGGGHHH!!!

[Dezmar Renae Tyson]

its the big girls responsibility to cut that NIGGA off!!! how dare you treat me like a queen behind closed doors and like a piece of crap in public?!?!? Stop givin it up. us as biggirls sometimes accept this treatment because of low self esteem. We have got to stop this cycle of self hatred. we are FAT!!! we dont have aids, we are not contagious. we are women with feelings and desire and love in ourselves. why do we accept this.

I was with a guy for a long time who treated me this way. and the moment I told him about hisself, the cut him off, he realized what he had been playing with and basically kissed my feet when and whereever. we have to stop being suckas

[Ape]

A dude that isnt proud of his woman isnt a man. and a female that doesnt make the guy she is with respect her cant be called a woman.

Only a real man can handle a real woman and vice versa......

The type of guy that will deny or hide his love for a big woman is the same kind of dude that prolly looks at other dudes butts on the low.......

[MissNikkia]

This topic is so real 2 me - because I know 4 a long time I let other people define my worth (probably goes back to my being molested & never having had any man in my family tell me I was beautiful just as I am - but, that's another story)!!

It's true there are A LOT (A.K.A. Nuff, Nuff) "Men" who will desire, want, love a Big Girl - But, our society
constantly "puts down" this image as (less than, not beautiful/desireable, lazy not sexy etc). So, maybe the "Man"" is struggling internally with this very same issue - the SAME Thing COULD be said for the Black men who exclusively date (White Women) thinking either they are "Prettier, confirm them as somehow more successful & whatever else".

I was with 3 guys when I was younger that were cardcarrying "BWL's" = Big Woman Lover's On Da D/L!
And, to tell it they broke me down.... never wanting to be seen with me in public, calling during "booty call" hours only...etc.

But, I started to see my worth (it's still a struggle) - and I'm STILL Learning (What I want 4 myself, what I Will & Will NOT Accept, How Much I'll Take B4 I Let Things/People Go Completely Etc)...

The Bible Truth Is: "So As A Woman/Man Thinketh, So IS He or She".... (U got 2 believe U R a Star & U Got The RIGHT 2 Shine) And NOT Let anyone take that from you because there a people who's only JOY Is TO BREAK U Down & Take Your JOY!!

However, This Is The KEY (Can't NOBODY TAKE what you don't make available)!!!
Funnier Still, I saw 2 of them same guys recently & BOTH Told me they were "stupid to have let me go"
I'm shining & they struggling - it ain't me - that's GOD (PERIOD)!!

I Let them go & am learning daily 2 love & embrace ME!

ALL Of this is just a test... Ie: How much of yourself are you willing 2 lose/sacrifice just 2 make someone else "happy"? In your darkest times - do you remember how scared you are & that you are a Royality even if you have no tangible "Kingdom"? (Your current/past circumstances are NOT What Make You
"who" you truly are... they are only preparation for the GREATNESS Of WHO/WHAT You WILL Become)!!

Love Is Always Love From A BabeeQueen

[sistabigbones]

thank you nikkia for sharing that with us! i agree with everything you said... continue to glow and don't let nobody dim that light you have shining!